Afternoon cup of tea on my veranda,,,silences deafen,,

I have been asked why is it that I talk such a lot, on quite a number of occasions, the last time being just last week, and even though I had given a flippant answer at the time, in reality, I guess it is because I really hate the sound of silence, yes, silence does have sounds, and none of them are pleasant, this being one of the main reasons why I never have been able to understand what on earth people mean when they say,,"companionable silence",,,

This afternoon, sitting on my quarter's veranda, having not gone to the sports meet that was taking place in a different Garden Club, I was trying to read, it was a typical early spring noon, windy and pleasant, the tree in my front yard was busily strewing the ground beneath and around it, with orange leaves,my poor gardener would not like that, at all, and the poor chap DOES like a tidy, leaf-free yard, even though I liked quite the opposite, but I keep quiet because I have to watch how I behave in a garden, it would never do for the people who hired me to think they had a mad person on their hands, as it was, they were already worried that I was DEPRESSED,, reading one of my earlier posts,,Anyway, I am rambling, as usual,,So, there I was, listening to the enveloping silence, which was making itself heard, even over the noise of the wind, the falling leaves, shaken out of the trees, by the rustling, creaking branches, and the quiet never sounded more horrid then it did, just then. I hugged my knees close, and even though it was a little balmy, I felt a chill, it was the chill of loneliness, the sadness that my best friend was about to have his heart broken, and there was nothing I could do to stop it, the quiet reminded me that I was sitting all alone on my veranda, away from him, and the other people I loved, and that silence and its deafening noisy existence was probably going to make up a part of my life, no matter where I went, what I did, because this is what is meant to be my personal bed of thorns, and lie on it, I would have to,whether I liked it or not. The evening would soon be upon me, the night soon to follow, each bringing with it, overpowering silence, and I would have to find different ways of shutting my ears to it, in fact this is exactly what I am doing now, writing, with the music on, there was the T V after this, then blissful sleep,,,then the struggle would start again, on a Sunday morning,,the week to come after that,,, life has to go on, silences faced and endured,,its just hard to do it always, with a smile on my face,, that's when I cry,,,

Yes cry! That's for another day, a man and CRY ?,,,,,,,,

P S : My parents are coming for a stay, next week,, thank God for small mercies. life won't be so bad, then.