Midnight Woes and worries..

It's past 12 midnight, we are well into what some people call the witching hour, I am plugged into my favourite FM station and having aimlessly wandered through the maze called the Internet, I finally decide to try and put something down here, it has been long overdue. There has been a few things brewing in my mind, these past few days, I just haven't been able to catch hold of one particular thought, from where I could start unravelling my convoluted musings,It's true, at the best of times, with only happy, cheerful thoughts, I still have to assimilate my twisted mind into some sort of order before I myself start to understand what is really going on upstairs, and at times like these, when happy thoughts are a distant mirage, somewhat like the UPA and it's dreams of an unconditional support by the Left, on the Nuclear stand that our 'Not-So-Brave PM' has cornered himself and his party into,,,my brain truly attains the quality of a puzzle that would stump many a Sphinx,,, had they but existed today,,

Something is not quite right,, my OCD extends to such an extent that I can feel when things aren't going the way they are meant to, in my immediate vicinity, at home or in the lives of the few people I love, and who I guess, love me too.. My mother is having this chronic cough,, she has been, since quite a while, and now she has been experiencing a mildly painful redness in both her eyes,, I am scared,, of the fact that my Grand-ma died of Lung cancer,, and maybe I AM reading too much into this,, but I AM SCARED!!!! For us death isn't an unknown entity,, (by us, of course I mean Doctors,,) and yet we don't want to accept the human frailty that exists in our family, in the ones we love,, We want them to stay unscathed by age, time and disease.

Something is not quite right, I can feel it,, I can,,!

If only I also knew where, and how to put it right, as easily as I straighten a crooked bed-spread in my room, or rewrite an untidy drug-list on a patients bed-side ticket,,,I can't,, and this hurts,, so I do the only thing I can, given this situation,,I pray, to Him who gives us all our troubles, and also the strength to face, fight and if He deem it so, overcome them.

The fact that we are mere puppets never strikes one as strongly as in these moments of impotent helpless anxiety,, and we realise, all over again, how HUMAN we are,,

Perils in Hyderabad

Reading is one of the most dangerous hobbies one could ever have!

I mean it, it's full of peril,,,,

I am not saying this simply because buying books, which as we all will agree, is the most important prelude to reading one,, has become so costly. It has left many with the environment friendly and hi-tech option of e-books, one concept I shall never condone,, the whole charm in reading books is enhanced manifold by seeing a favourite tome cozying up your book-shelf for years to come, and as to the joys of curling up with your read of the moment, in a quiet corner, or while commuting to and from work, or in the toilet, while pandering to the time consuming evils of constipation,,,sighhhhh!!! I could go on and on and on,,,,,!

I heard of the famous CROSSWORD'S Hyderabad version today, and found out where it was located, the next logical step was to go there and worship,,I ventured forth, flagged an auto, which was already full thus necessitating me sitting, perched on a single ass-cheek (thank God I am so petite, and I hope I never repeat this statement again), squashed between this exuberant, pimply-faced, barely out of his teens, driver,, who I am sure had a death wish,, or was high on something, and the door frame, clinging on for love of life,,when, to my mounting terror, after a few yards of travelling in this ungainly fashion, he proceeded to pick up a group of 5 more people,, adjusting them God knows how, then proceeding to careen through the busy 6' o clock traffic, making me screw up my eyes in fright, and wrinkle up my nose, for the tight squeeze also meant ripe, end-of-the-day smells emanating from my co-passengers,,and pray for this journey into hell to end.

Add to this the heart stoppingly loud thump of the current fave Telugu number, from the vehicles' disproportionately large and sturdy speakers,,and I only wished I had taken up some harmless hobby like Archery or Bomb-making,,,

Drenched in sweat, most of it not mine,,,i finally reached my destination, and proceeded to make my already meager bank-balance lighter by a thousand rupees, I came back to my room, thankfully in a crowded City bus,, richer by 3 books,,which were Catch 22, The life of Pi, and Conversations with God! Eclectic? That's me.

And now I proceed to the sumptuous task of reading one of them,, this is the part that justifies my perils and the expenses,,,,every time!!!

Evening out in the City of the Divine Biryani

Gooey stuff in my hair, (read henna, not for grey coverage, mind you, just as a conditioner), trying to relax before my night shift, I find out another astonishing fact about myself (sic!!!) which is, that I cannot sleep in the daytime, not unless I am sick, and especially not, if I have an appointment or a plan for the evening,,,so what if evening's still on the other side of the horizon? The wonderous layers of my OCD never cease to amaze me.

Anyways, me and my friend saw 'The Happening' last night, and I donot agree with the shitty reviews the film has garnered, at least in the Indian press, it is a great watch, Mark Wahlberg is an absolute treat, the script's spooky, and as always, with M S's movies, just bordering on the realms of the 'what if' and 'could this really happen',,the cinematography and camera angles, along with the cello background scores, make it an even scarier film. Full-marks to the maker for another Bulls-Eye.

There is an 11 year old boy in the ICU, victim of someone else's rash driving, and he's battling it out for his life,, for all of you who come across this, and believe in prayers, please spare him a mention in yours,,I know it will make a difference.

I am wondering what to wear to work, so what if only the Machines see me,,???

Since when has that stopped me from TRYING to look good? The operative words are, 'trying to' mind you!! I really enjoy what I try to do here, so what if I am at the bottom of the pay-chain? At the end of the day, I just have to have enough to shop with!!

Such superficiality,, such materialistic tendencies,,, but there is a story behind that too,,,, I shall keep that for a later post.. Ciao.

Biryani in the Rains,,

I am really starting to question my IQ level,, it is hovering around freezing point, I am sure. Give me two things to do, at a time, and you can absolutely count on me to botch one of them up, ROYALLY at that. Am I dumb or what?
The Troubleshooters from my new Beam Net connexion have just left, after sorting out what I thought were insurmountable hurdles towards a problem free connectivity, but what ultimately turned out to be a few twists and turns, here and there. You should have seen the look of sheer disgust on his face!!
Anyways, I am sitting in my COOP, preparing myself for another 24 hour shift from tomorrow, and it is quite pleasant here, for a change, the Monsoons are finally here, (at least that is what everyone is saying) and it is windy, cool and pleasant, my 'unmentionables' drying out on my "balcony" are finding it tough to keep themselves up, and safe,, I have to keep an eye on them, continuously,, so pardon the more than usual typos.
I got to enjoy a real dousing in a stray shower, while out shopping, the other day, and I loved it, that was followed by dinner and drinks at a fabulous place which serves the most amazing Indian cuisine, and I made it back to my room, close to midnight,, wonder why I don't do that more often,,, Oh yes, Got the answer, I am a lowly Doctor, not an IT ian, to be paid in six figures,,, sigh!!!!!!!!!!!! Triple sigh!!!!
We are a lovely bunch of people, we doctors, I mean, for peanuts we act like the dustbins of society, where everyone dumps their worries, and we imbibe them, invite them into all our conversations, all our waking moments,,!!!Sigh!
Baba, you were right, after all, I should not have bunked all my Maths classes in college.
To end, let me put down something I read today,,"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try and cheer somebody else up." Guess I should go do that.

Biryani Delights!!

Hi there,,, Look at me, am behaving like an idiot once again, trying to address my readers,,(Hee Hee,,) Isn't that absolutely the funniest thing you ever came across?

When I know that the only readership I get is when a word in my post matches the random word search of a surfer who happens to be on line, and stumbles upon my post, like a person caught in the wrong place at a wrong time, (too many Terry Pratchett books for me,these days, i guess), anyways,, I am In Hyderabad,have joined a Post Grad course in what is possibly one of Asia's largest Hospitals, at least in terms of sheer size, Employee count, and Resources, and am enjoying every moment of my stay here.

I am posted in an ICU at present, and life here is constantly on the move, and is filled with the steady blip-blip of various monitors trying their best to keep up with the daunting task of staying in pace with His most fabulous creation, which, even at the worst of times, lying in an ICU bed, swathed in wires, hooked up to various contraptions, is still way above the best of machines. Such is His genius, and this is most keenly felt in places like this, where the mortality of us humans, is there for all to see,,,,,

Hyderabad is a lovely City, (say something new, damnit) the greenery here is simply amazing, and equally amazing are the people, who go out of their way to help you, once you manage to convey your needs to them, and once you have figured out that the gibberish the person in front of you is seemingly spouting, is actually English, with a unique Andhra twist, and is a joy to hear. Similar is the Hindi here, I absolutely am in love with what they do to this otherwise staid language, and all the "miyas" thrown in makes it even more spicy....The Malls here are great, so are the Movie theatres, don't I sound just like a farm boy out on his first City trip? I know,, but so what? I never claimed sophistication,,

nSo,, here is what I plan,, I am going to try for a broadband connexion, or something else,, till then, The Cyber Cafes are going to have to tolerate my Fervent key-banging, whenever I get the time to do so,, I am here to study, remember?

This is the first of my posts from this lovely city,, and my axious wait for Monsoon, shall be interspersed with more posts,, till then,, Ciao! Take care of yourselves,,and be good!

Farewell? For a while,,,

I am in my OPD, patients are coming at a mere trickle, unlike the downpour outside, the weather is making the imminent farewell all the more harder.
Last night, I was busy packing up, I can never can make out what to take and what not to,, and always end up taking either more stuff than I ever can possibly use, or am reduced to walking the streets, naked,, not literally, of course.
I cried,,,
Did it have anything to do with the fact that I was also watching "The Lake House"? or is it due to the fact that I was reminded, once again, how unpredictable my life has become, of late.
Living my life out of a suitcase, is what I have been doing, never staying in a place long enough, to put down any roots, I looked at myself in the mirror, even I ha changed, in so many ways, both seen and unseen,. the tears came to my eyes, unstoppable, uninvited,,and swept me along, in a miserable wave of self-pity, and how I hated myself for this,,.
Even the songs I seemed to be playing these days were invariably sad songs, and how I wallowed in their melancholy lyrics, every song seemingly mirroring my own misery.
I fly out of here, on the 30th, and it may be a while before my next post,,, so, untill then, So-long...

I did it !

I did it!
Donot ever let anyone tell you, it doesn't pay to speak your mind, especially when it concerns something you believe in. If your convictions are strong enough, and you are not afraid of telling the truth, just go ahead and do it. It pays, not immediately maybe, but someday, whatever you said, will count and someone, somewhere will be benefitted, because of something you had the courage to stand up for, I know, because I did stand by what I believed in, and told it just the way it was,, I saw the starting point of good things to come, today,, and I have to thank the senior, in whose office, I spent a hour and a half, speaking my mind, not stopping to even think what the outcome would be, or how he would react, just raving on, what I said, made him look bad too, but he decided to do the proper thing, came down to the Hospital today, and put things in motion, taking care to attend to almost every point I made, I felt so vindiated, so happy, the ball has been made to start rolling, now it will depend on the people I leave behind to see it to its finish.
I am glad I did not back down, glad I had the balls to say what I believed in, and stand by it, I am really glad.
It does pay to speak your mind, to stand up for and stand by what you believe in. it does, and donot ever let anyone tell you otherwise.